Christmas Movies

The Holidays season can be characterized by these few phrases; lotsa gifts, healthy meal, no school, and atrocious tv schedules. So I thought it is proper to review some Christmas themed movies that I've recently viewed again, most notably on TBS, the king of all reruns.

Let's start with Die Hard, Die Harder, and Die Hard wif a Vengeance. Now this is what I'm talking about. An essential trilogy for those whose Yew Near resolution is to join the rifle or pistol club in their college; or kick some heavy accented foreigners in their astronomy classes; or stuff a terrorist's mouth with a mistletoe and let them kiss the butt of your shotgun before before you pummel them with some mixture of 90% Guinier-Preston zoned lead; or those who simply prefer saying yipikayeee madafaka!! than shit wanker fuckadoodledoo!! Great movie for undergraduates who're waiting for their ass profs to submit their letters of recommendation. Die Hard is one of those series that doesnt get boring even after multiple viewings. You know he's going to blow up that plane in number 2, leaving trail of fire for a makeshift landing strip, but it's still cool to watch. And notice the bad guy from the first one, Hans, is Snape from Harry Potter!!

Moving on to a family friendly movie, the Grinch. Now, I've never been a fan of these flashy kids movies, and the Grinch wasnt about to change my position. I can't stand the music, the set, everything about this movie smells dog poo on a third world country sewer with tadpoles making triangular swimming patterns. The movie is just overacted. Everthing is over the top, there's too much color, and fuck I dont understand the plot. Probably the worst movie I've ever seen.

A good family Christmas movie are the two Home Alones. Now these are class. These are like bottles of French wine made by Napoleon himself, with his barefoot, while he's naked, pissing on the grapes. You know it's bad influence for the young kids, what with the traps, massive head traumas, sore arses, and decapitations.. wait, there's no decapitations in Home Alone... but you love it anyway.

There's no Christmas without love, so Love Actually has to be on the list. The thing I like about this movie is, besides Keira and Hugh Grant, how they managed to hold together six or so different stories in two hours, each of them still beautiful in their own way. Who can forget the odd porn couple, and the unrequited love, and the boy's love story, and Frissel the sex god. To top it off, guess what, there's Snape again! As the adulterous boss! It's like he's a wizard!

For the perverts, the movies above may not be of your standard, so titles such as "Who wants to jingle Santa's balls" or "Tits the season to be horny" are more suitable for your private viewings.

Merry Christmas!!!